When they said “hope…”

Part of the problem is: I feel frantic today. Very difficult to sit down and write a post.

I used to be the Leslie Knope of presents, I gave my friend an “ehh” birthday present today. “Ehh” at best. Plenty of serious external stressors as well, plus global pandemic.

I am frustrated by my circular thoughts courtesy of my OCD and I am stressed out by the way they make me question my morality–even though I know who I am. I get extremely stressed about my scrupulosity-related obsessions. I find them way more insidious than the health-related fears I get from OCD. The scrupulosity worries always get a partial hold on me before I even realize they are even in my thoughts– before I even realize I am physically shaking my head to rid myself of them. (This is all just for me, personally, everyone will have their own worries that stress them out more or less.)

So, on days like this, when I don’t force myself to do a full meditation, or even work out, or read, or draw… I give myself the mantra above. I love to think about bird quotes from literature, and allow that to be my focus, a simple meditation.

I repeated that mantra to myself while I took a walk in the rain.

Let myself be just focused on tactile sensations, like the raindrops and my footsteps and just repeated those words I love from books and poems.

I find it helps to be more gentle about what I expect from myself as far as “healing” on days like this. It would be awesome to rush away from OCD obsessions as fast as possible, but I know that progress isn’t linear. Today is a “step-backward” day. Making peace with that.

What words help you when you are struggling to ground yourself? Poems or songs? Quotes?

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